I'm a school psychologist, mom, lesbian, bibliophile, coffee addict who has a bit of a propensity to write lists and who enjoys commenting on the crazy and the wonderful in the world.
The reality is that when you are gay most of your family and the people surrounding you in the world are straight. Which is just fine and not a problem. However, this does result in people saying some pretty stupid stuff. It’s not their fault necessarily, they really often just don’t understand. But, listen up straight people… you don’t know a whole lot about being gay so please stop making such comments as featured below. Thank you, from all the gays.
1. “So and so should just come out.” You have NO idea what it feels like to have to come out. When you’re straight there is no equivalent ritual where you must declare your sexuality one by one to others for them to judge you. Being straight is the defacto option that most people get to default into.
2.” Do you know Bob in accounting? I think he’s gay too.” We do not all know each other. There is not a gay/ lesbian/ bisexual mafia or club that we all join.
3. Similarly, we often hear the following, “I should introduce you to Molly. She is a lesbian and is even married.” I don’t need to know that you know other gays. I have really developed a greater sense of empathy for people of color and other minorities. Listen up straight people, you don’t need to prove your street cred by name dropping the gays you know.
4. I swear that someone once actually said the following to me, “You are too pretty to be a lesbian.” Wow, just wow. There are ugly straight people and and attractive straight people. Ditto for the gays.
5. This is a common one from close friends and family, “Are you sure you’re gay?” Who the hell goes through the gut wrenching process of becoming a marginalized and oppressed member of society for no damn reason. Don’t ask this of your loved ones!
6. Again, this has been asked of my wife and I on at least three occasions. Most recently, by the owner of our local hardware store. “Are you guys sisters or something?” This is commonly asked by relative strangers who want to what the deal is, who can’t fathom that two women would really be together, and who are too dang stupid to figure any other explanation out.
7. ” So, what exactly do you guys do together?” This is a very thinly veiled inquiry about our sex life. Never is it acceptable to ask about someone’s sex life. Seriously people? Watch The L Word and figure it out. Or don’t. I really don’t care.
8. “Do you worry about your kids?” No more than anyone else does. There are a million parenting decisions to make every day. The last thing that my daughter worries about is that her mom loves another woman. I’m proud to teach her about diversity in the world.
9. “Gay men are so super stylish and lesbians are so butch.” I know some gay men who couldn’t dress themselves out of a paper bag and there are plenty of stylish lesbians. Having gays and lesbians on television has been mostly a good thing in the past couple of years, but it has encouraged some pretty moronic stereotypes as well.
10. “I do support you, but I also believe in respecting the religious freedoms of others.” This just does not work. In this country, we do not proudly support discrimination of any racial group, ethnic group, or gender. Of course, people have the right to say whatever idiotic thing they want. But, if you’re my close friend or family it is NOT cool for you to like Duck Dynasty. They are giant bigots. If you do like them, well, please don’t even hurt my brain by telling me about it please.
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